Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My feet surprised me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
