My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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