HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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