Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
