This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
