I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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