Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
