btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
