FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
