i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
