dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
