Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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