Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
