Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
