strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
