Don't you send me to vm
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
