At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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