Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
