dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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