I'm really into asian looking animals
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
