i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
