The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize