i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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