Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
