Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
