if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
