am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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