Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
