P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I enjoy the company of your penis
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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