so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
