What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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