I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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