First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
