yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
