I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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