Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
