hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
