ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
