I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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