god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
