I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize