Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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