so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
