My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
