Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
