It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
