one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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