I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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