all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
