apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
