Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
