i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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