adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize