She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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