just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
