Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
