when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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