I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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