I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want her autograph on my taint
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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