Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize