I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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