i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
