i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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