ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
