hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize