He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
