Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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