you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
