Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
