Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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