6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
