Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
