She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
