it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
