He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
