as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
