I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize