I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
